A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Tomorrow…Depression…

This is a story told in retrospect, this is no longer my year, but a story about another year far, far away…

… depression hit me fair and square on the backside that year, in all it’s wonderful forms.  I have never been one to embrace change, so when my nephew and sister went back to New Zealand at the beginning of the year it set of a chain reaction (in my mind anyway), a landslide of doom and gloom that seemed to engulf my whole year and cause everyone around me to crash and burn also.  I know I must have a huge ego to think that all the bad things that happened that year was because of my negative thoughts but there you have it.

My sister is also of the depressive variety of people, so she also consequently became depressed, which, from the very beginning of the year set me thinking about this demon of the mind, the darkness that attacks from within.   In our family’s case, depression is obviously a family trait handed down from father to children.  Within my brothers and sisters, all of us have depression in one way or other, but all of us deal with it in different ways.

I am what I call a lazy depressive, beside feeling sorry for myself, lethargic, unmotivated and glum for a period of time.   Often a few weeks, and sometimes, but only when external forces are not going my way, i.e. disagreements, unable to communicate my ideas with others, people being idiots, do I feel dark and sometimes have those thoughts of what if I wasn’t here.

I do quickly snap out of it and get back to life, I am unable to take my depressed mood for long, so I kick it to the side and get on with it.  Even the dark moods do not encourage me to do anything drastic and dangerous about my situation, I am lazy and do not want to be bothered with such things as suicide and acting out.  Really my whole goal in life is to do as little as possible in the way of thinking,  in the pursuit of personal happiness.  Doing is more my style and I like being happy and content.

My sister on the other hand, while her situation is different to mine, went even further on the depression train after she left here (see what I did there?  Bought it back to me again!!), she had a breakdown, got medicated, quit her job in a ranting, mess of tears, that she had just spent the last four years at university to get, and basically melted down and stayed there for a while.  Actually the year did not end there for her, because she also picked herself up, got a great new job as a media librarian, (I know sounds boring, but she gets to watch videos, You tube, news programs etc. all day, rate them and put them out for schools and educational departments to use,  and a bit of customer service, and she got to try the Google Glass, although I would have gone with Occulus Rift but that’s just me.)  She loves her job, started on a personal exercise regime with my brother who is a personal trainer, got into a accapella choir, and just really got back into life with vengeance.

The year ended in sadness however, my friend, who had battled depression on and off for such a long time, ended her life suddenly.  We were just getting into the last, busiest term of the school year when we found out.  It really sent me flying, I didn’t crack or go under, but went through all the usual stages of grief.  I had spent some time with my friend and we had discussed our collective ‘illnesses’.  The causes and cures.  We had even started exercising regularly together, at the beginning of the year, both of us acknowledging the fact that we feel great when we exercise, we don’t feel depression as deeply as when we don’t exercise, we are on top of the world.  Then we stopped, there were excuses of course, no time, homeschooling and work stuff got in the way, no time.  I truly believed that we had the answer to curing depression and when my friend ended her life, I felt deeply the guilt that I should have done more, I remembered the times we both had made plans since the beginning of the year only to change at the last minute.  I didn’t create the time to see her, to be with her, to help her with the cure that was at our fingertips, but yet out of reach.

Has this changed the way I interact with others?  Sure, I became wary for a long time, I even stated that I would not be making any new friends.   I would even at times, distance myself from the friends I had, still alive friends, with their own issues that need support.  Looking back from this far away, I can think about everything without feeling anxious and that year is slowly becoming resolved.  Of course I am not depressed on a regular basis, I have not been diagnosed depressed at any time, in fact, I suffer from mild anxiety at the most in my opinion.

However, if you feel that depression is a problem for you please ring:

Beyond Blue Support Service
Support. Advice. Action
1300 22 4636

And in a crisis ring:
Lifeline
Crisis Support Chat
Call: 13 11 14

 

 

Writing 101, Day Two: A Room with a View (Or Just a View)


 

I am putting up very draft pieces of writing, sorry ’bout that guys!  Although, any feedback, negative or positive would be great.  I am not a writer by any stretch of the imagination, in school I could never understand or was never taught what a paragraph/essay or even a sentence should include so my writing often looks unorganised and messy.  However, I do enjoy trying to write and that is what I am hoping to get out of Writing 101, practice, ideas, and feedback. Thanks for reading.


 Childhood Memories of a Place of Mystery

We pulled up at a rest stop on our way to my Aunty’s place in Whangarei.  My dad said we were having lunch a bit of a runaround here, so “get out and stretch your legs!” he said.  The rest stop was right next to dense bushland, backing onto a forest of tall, ancient trees and mountain range in the background.

My mum and dad took our green, folding table and chairs and our esky out of the car and proceeded to set up lunch for us, while we ran off to do some exploring.  “Don’t go too far my dad called out, lunch will be ready soon!”

We entered the bush, it enveloped us.  I breathed in the woody, musky scents, the smell of fresh air and no smog, I stopped and could hear the sound of insects and birds getting on with their day.  We ran on through the green grey trees, following a small, barely visible trail made by other small runners in search of adventure.  The trail began to broaden and we came into a small clearing on the edge of a gorgeous, untainted brook filled with smooth shiny black and grey pebbles.  It was magical, everything smelled so clean and earthy, it had been raining prior to our arrival so tiny jewels of water were tingling on the edge of every leaf.

Us children got straight to work, placing stepping stones across to the other side.  Finding something to make a small shelter with.  Someone ran back to get some cups for our drinks.  We drunk right out of that brook, and it was the cleanest, sweetest water I had ever tasted.

We only stayed there till after lunch, we drove away never to return.  I couldn’t find that spot again, even though I tried once I grew up.  I can still see that spot, I think of it often, and when I do I am right there, smelling the smells, seeing the beauty, feeling free.

Brook
© Mellow Rapp | Dreamstime Stock Photos

 

Writing 101, Day One: Unlock the Mind

Ok so I’m a few days behind, and the first thing to do is loosen up and free write.


pizza and wine

photo credit: terbeck via photopin cc

“There was that one time”, she said, “that we went to the beach and met those two guys?  can you remember?”

“I do..” Candice replied trying to conjure up the exact location and failing miserably in her own head.

They sat there in silence for a moment, trying to remember where their lives had gone, two 40 something, women, alone without children or any significant other, still bacholoretting together so many years after college.

Sure they had amazing careers, that’s what we want these days, said Lani, “isn’t it, Isn’t it!!? A career, money, making a name for ourselves, thats what we wanted CC!”

And they did want that after college, the world seemed so big, full of every good thing possible for a couple of single girls.  They partied, although not excessively, they saved a good deal of their earnings and had quite a stash, their favourite pastime, travel, was a regular twice a year journey to far away places.  They bought a house together which was now fully paid out, and several others as part of their joint investment plan.

Now that all seemed so unnecessary, sure they were well off, they were well known in their business circles,  they were settled and happy with all they had, but something was missing.  Well that was what they had been contemplating over their bottle of wine and pizza, their weekly get together, that had started during college with all their friends, but slowly one by one the friends would go off and get married, or move away till it was just the two of them and a couple of friends who were able to pop in on a semi regular basis.  That’s what bought up the subject today.  Lisa had once again texted to let them know that the baby was sick and she wouldn’t be over tonight.

That baby is always sick Lani bemoaned.


So just an idea that popped into my head, might extend it might not, but that is day one of Writing 101 workshop!

 

Daily Post: Longing for Gravity

You are on a mission to Mars. Because of the length of of the journey, you will never be able to return to Earth. What about our blue planet will you miss the most?


When the Earth no more I will see, my heart will be deathly dark, colourless seasons with the red hued atmosphere covering everything,

The light that came from the new days morn will no longer be there to share,

Instead, a cold a foreboding dawn will be mine forever more.

The bright flowers, deepest greens and bluest ocean blues, would be the thing that I would miss on my mission to Mars and not back.

When the Earth no more that I will feel, the ache of the touch of familiar, will haunt my dreams and every waking hour.

To be inside a dome everyday and not feel the wind on my face, would be a like closeting a wild bear in a windowless den forever.

To know I would never again see loved ones I adore, or take their hands between mine or kiss their cheek, would be a thing that I would miss on my mission to Mars and not back.

When the Earth no more that I will smell, surrounded by glass and steel, with piped artificial air, and chemical based smells, would do my head in no end.

No gently rainy shower, or the smell of mown grass in the field.

No smell of of crisp, dry sheets right of the washing line.

Even the seaside scent of ocean and sand, with the faint, sweet smell of melting icecream on hands.

Or that unknown smell that brings back a memory so vivid it knocks you off your feet, would be a thing that I would miss on my mission to Mars and not back.

When the Earth no more that I will hear, instead clang, or creak or groan.

The silence in the desert or on my childhood farm.  Surrounding you with it’s nothingness, embracing your every hour.

Or the sound of a Kookaburra waking me in the morning or the crash of thunder and lightning right above my head.

Or the sound of rain drops falling on the tin roof while I lie in bed, would be a thing that I would miss on my mission to Mars and not back.

When the Earth no more I will taste, with my new artificial packet food.

The sweet, crunch of a new season apple, or the sip of a Moscato wine.

The roast lamb with yorkshire pudding or my mum’s chopsuey and rice.

A peanut fresh from roasting, or the honey fresh from the hive.

Only freshly brewed coffee that I could take (or no mission to Mars for me) would be the only escape from the life sentence on my mission to mars and not back.


I’m going to go and hug someone now!

 

Rant of the Day: Shopping trolleys

Okay, so I’m trying to write more and will be hopefully writing a post a day but with a variety of different  criteria  and subject matter.


So today I thought a fun addition would be Rant of the Day/week,(so if you don’t like complaints stop reading now!)  you know where I just go off at the things that irk, annoy, or straight out p#@ me off!  (I don’t swear in real life that much except when mad, so won’t be swearing in a blog that much either!!)

Shopping trolleys
Am I Right!!?

photo credit: s2art via photopin cc

For my first Rant, I just came back from the shopping mall, and I know it seems pedantic, but it really annoys me when people don’t put their shopping trolleys back, or they chuck them at the shopping trolley bay, without concern for other shoppers or the people who have to clean up their mess.  I am forever reorganising the trolleys to make them fit better into the bay, or saving them from dangerous corners of the carpark.

Why?  because I’ve been there when a trolley runs out and crashes into a random car, I’ve even seen a trolley and a moving car collide!  Older shoppers are not as nimble as they used to be a a trolley on a roll is a dangerous object to try and avoid for them.  And for that matter a child would be unable to stop a trolley crashing into them also.

I’m sure if any of us came back to our car and found damage had been caused by a runaway trolley, we’d be mad, and want to find the culprit!  Yeah, sure the trolley attendants job is to make sure the trolleys are kept in order, but it doesn’t take long for you to make sure your own trolley is in the right place and not going to roll of into the distance and cause some havoc!


 End of Rant!

Change…

…change whether we like it or not is always going to happen, and whether it is big or small, change can sometimes throw us off our game, make us disorientated or even look at our whole lives differently.  I usually have a big problem with change, it’s probably a chemical imbalance of some kind in my brain, but who doesn’t have a problem like that once in a while.

When I was very young, probably 6 or 7, my family and I went fishing on a wharf, as my father liked to go early we were usually asleep by the time we got to our fishing spot, so my mum always took blankets and pillows for us.  I remember I had my favourite pillow with me and somehow it fell over the side of the wharf which was way too high for any attempt to try and retrieve it.  Now even though it sounds silly, I cried when I lost my pillow, my only memories from this time is this particular incident and looking through the back window as we left our home for the last time, to travel down the West Australian coast, both very traumatic memories in my mind but minor incidents in reality.

flower

Granted, these were from the mind of a 7 year old, but even now, the things that affect me the most are the changes that occur in life, you would think that by now I would have developed a fairly good coping mechanisms, but no.  This last Christmas was great, my sister and nephew were both here visiting for the holidays, we reconnected, they became part of the furniture, I expected to wake up everyday and they’d be there.  We made plans, read, crafted, we went away on day trips , stayed at the beach, started exercise routines, I started sewing her a wardrobe for her work as a teacher.  We had fun, I was exceedingly excited about this year, I was positive and felt good about the planning I’d done for my children’s education for 2014

….and then they left.

I was devastated, I went into a minor depression; life lost all interest, the year no longer held promise, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t exercise, I got sick, not with the flu, but just general unwellness, listlessness, and fatigue.  I know, I know, I can hear you now, “Get over it!, harden up!.  Everyone goes through change, and yours isn’t even bad change!!”.  Believe me I said the same things.  Of course it is ridiculous dwelling on something as simple as family leaving, it happens all the time, and of course we have feelings of loss, even if it is minor change, it’s still loss.   So the question was, why did I feel so bad?   Why did it take so long for me to even attempt to exercise, as almost proven cure for depression.  Why do I go to sleep mid afternoon as though I’m a toddler again?

Once again, chemical imbalance comes to mind, and yes I got on to the doctors this week to get on top of this problem.  I wish I could like change, embrace it, live it, love it!

A big resolution for this year was to ‘live large, love large’, when one is scared of the slightest change in one’s life this resolution is about as hard as climbing a mountain, but I’m going to try.  This year I’m going to enjoy each and everyday from here on in.  If finding fear and aversion to change is easy for me, how hard can it be to find life, love, fun and excitement instead?

Computing, Ubuntu and Coding.

I’ve been away for a while, finishing of my last paper for my diploma, yay!  Homeschooling the kiddies, working on my internet business all gets in the way of reading, writing and blogging, but finally I can start putting some time toward the things that make me happy just doing them!

Anyway recently, well not so recently, for the last 6 months to a year, I have been contemplating overhauling our electronics at home, mostly on the computing side of things, the main thing stopping me is of course money, I have very expensive tastes🙂 but also just wanting to familiarise myself with the hardware and software I need to make my goals happen.

Building a Website

At the beginning of last year I purchased an online store, selling homeschool curriculum, as well as sewing patterns, two of my most favourite things to purchase!  So of course wanting to save money I set up my websites (I split the store in two seeing as the products didn’t really compliment each other), using an internet host I have been using for a long time (Hostgator)  and in the process learnt such stuff as html, ftp, frontend and backend etc.

It has been a steep learning curve, I’ve constanly made use of several forums including the Zen Cart (which I use for my shopping cart), WordPress and the Hostgator forums and ticket system.  I have a working website that does it’s job but now I want to spend more time getting it working exactly how I want it.  This means an intensive course in coding, as I want it done properly.

I am not a  logical minded person, so code and computer stuff do not come naturally, I have a hard time understanding what is being said in forums, just because I’m not wired that way.  Instead I have to find people who speak in a way I understand.  I have to take several forum posts, and other information and pull the relevant stuff from them then set the info out in a way that is logical to me and that I understand.  Luckily I also have a Computer Tech for a brother, who is just a Skype call away!

Building a Home Network

I have set myself several goals in the personal computing arena of our family life:

  • Build a file/media server
  • Upgrade our current computer
  • Build a gaming computer

Why, well just because, computers are a integral part of alot of people’s lives these days, not everyone, but a whole lot more than when I was a child, and the only electronic entertainment available was a small black and white TV and a record play,  wireless!

My idea is to set up the server and transfer the current computer’ s harddrive to the 2TB external harddrive I got, then totally revamp the current computer, then when money allows, build the gaming computer.

Building a Server

My Server
My Server

I have several people ask me recently why I want a server, we’ve had a computer for several years now, we have 1 PC, a laptop, various gaming consoles, ipads and smartphones, all which I want to be able to access all our media from one central location.  Also for the learning experience, the kids are helping, and interested in the reasons one would use a server, and I’m learning a whole new world.  Sure a server is a little over the top, however I haven’t put alot of money into it

Once again, it has been hard, I don’t naturally understand stuff like compatible hardware, and where to find IP addresses, or even what sort of router I have!!  Sure I could buy a NAS, plug it in and go, but why, I won’t learn anything that way?  I purchased an old Dell Poweredge, SC440 server, an external hard drive, an extra screen, keyboard and mouse, all over the course of a couple of months and for under $300 total.  The Dell has 4GB of ram, an 80GB hard drive, which I’ve loaded the os onto, and two 250GB hard drives, in RAID, (have yet to configure this so have no idea what array it is in), was going to swap our the two 250GB drives and replace with 1TB but will go with the status quo for now.

In keeping with the money saving idea of my server, I decided to shun Windows and install Ubuntu server (Free download!!), of course if anyone knows what a server looks like on a computer screen, it was a bit of a shock to me to only see a terminal screen, I thought I had done something wrong till I rang my brother.   He thought it would be easier for me if I just install the desktop version of Ubuntu (I downloaded it here), and that is what I am working on now :)  I love Ubuntu, it seems very compact and unfussy, and is in my favourite colour, purple!  Of course I am currently using the server as an extra computer, as I still have to ring my brother and get him to help me through the rest of the server network install.  Once that happens, I will remove the screen and other peripherals and run it remotely.  (I am slowly learning to use the terminal, and command lines, which is so much easier than trying to find things through the programs etc.  everyone should learn how to access this basic area of your computer)

Tech question:  The cd only installed the 32bit os, it did not have a 64bit option I could choose at install, do I need a 64bit os on a server.  If the answer is yes then I will have to burn an iso onto a cd, I haven’t had much luck at this so far.

Next post:  Upgrading our current computer.

(Disclaimer:  There are no paid links in this post, all opinions are my own, or what I’ve found out through research, or what my brother has told me hehe.)

Daily Prompt: Rolling Stone

If you could live a nomadic life, would you? Where would you go? How would you decide? What would life be like without a “home base”?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TRAVEL.

I’m not a traveller, I get travel sickness, and have head aches, and queasiness for days after any sort of travel involving distances.  So not the best beginning for a nomad of any sort except those using horses or camels.

As a child however I travelled quite a lot, I was born in the Pilbara region of Western Australia and by the time I was 12 had travelled right down the west side of this large island  to Ceduna in South Australia and then on to New Zealand.   Now for those of you who are familiar with Australia especially the outback, the distances we have to travel sometimes just to a party or even shopping are huge, and my parent went to alot of parties!  Now while my mother hated this nomadic lifestyle, I loved it, and dream now of being free enough to just sell everything and take of to far flung lands for adventures, travel sickness aside, to see sights I’ve only seen in books and tv.

My ideal adventure would include a fullly self contained RV or caravan (living without hygiene facilities is just not me!), and a boat as accommodation rather than going from motel to motel.  I would love to just pull up in places park my RV or boat and get out and experience the country I might be in.

I would go everywhere, but  probably food would motivate me more than anything else.  I would love to go to India, and Thailand, China and Japan for their cuisine.   America to experience those super size helpings of ribs and burgers and chips.  I would find genuine pork pies in England and try Champagne from France.

One trip might include going to different countries in Europe and try their different types of cheeses.  Or may be to Germany to try a genuine Black Forest Gateau, (incidentally as a child we knew a German family and the mother made the most luscious Black Forest gateau I have ever tasted, don’t ever try those ones in the cheesecake shop, they are NOT the same).  Of course after eating Gateau we might take a little ride on the Rhine, hopefully in the middle of winter.  In school I learnt German and one year our teacher showed us pictures of castles covered in snow along the Rhine, it was magical and I dreamed of living in one of those castles (I know cliquè every little girl wanting to be a princess), we may also take in the Octoberfest, I know might clash with my gateau eating and cruise taking?!

Now don’t ask me how I’m going to get my caravan to all those countries, I don’t know yet🙂

Happy travels people!

Waimate-NZ
Waimate-NZ

Daily Prompt: From the Gut

Tell us about the last time you had a real, deep, crying-from-laughing belly laugh.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us JOYFUL.

There was a time in my life when laughing seemed silly, and only in extreme hilarious situations should it be attempted.  I was  and sometimes still am, a very serious, often uptight sort of person, who doesn’t seem to see to funny side of life.   Well over the last decade or so I made a real effort to see this funny side, I have 3 children for goodness sake and I know how a life of no fun turns out, plus children are just so darn funny.

Everyday now I try to laugh, that deep, hearty, out loud  laugh.  Sometimes its what the kids say, other times, my husband and I just have a bit of fun, sometimes it’s something I see on TV or read on Facebook, that is often cause of a few belly laughs!  The latest crying/laughing was just yesterday or the day before, and it was from Facebook,  (If you’ve seen the ‘auto-correct text’ post going around Facebook you know what I mean), however I had to silently laugh at it as I didn’t want to tell the kids why I was laughing, they always want to know!  It was painful to say the least, I wanted to laugh out loud and share it with every one in the room, but had to try and contain myself, it would have been hilarious to watch🙂

Other Blogs from the Daily Prompt, that are bound to have some joyful stories read on:

  1. Drool-worthy |
  2. Daily Prompt: From the Gut – show us JOYFUL. | masadiso79’s Blog
  3. floatingsheep
  4. From the Gut – The Vampire Butterfly | Geek Ergo Sum
  5. Daily Prompt: Joyful | Books, Music and Movies : my best friends
  6. 4.7 Daily Prompt: From the Gut | family photos food & craft
  7. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | George and Nigel
  8. Hysterical Joy | The Magic Black Book
  9. Daily Prompt: Joyful, A Poem | Vicariously Poetic
  10. Washday… maybe a few clean jokes too… | The Rider
  11. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | Under the Monkey Tree
  12. Let’s face it, farting is funny. | thoughtsofrkh
  13. Neighbelline | Daily Prompt: From the Gut | likereadingontrains
  14. What Buddies Will Do For Each Other | The Jittery Goat
  15. The Belly Laugh | Marriage in Limbo: The In-Between State
  16. From the gut in a most unexpected place | Nanuschka’s Blog
  17. LOL | Spunky Wayfarer
  18. Bitcoins vs. Dollars | To Pursue Happiness
  19. Daily Prompt: Laughing So Hard | My Daily Prompt Blog
  20. My Date With Dad | Musing Off the Mat
  21. Tears From the Gut | Beats and Pieces
  22. The powah of prayah | Relax…
  23. Daily Prompts: From the Gut « Mama Bear Musings
  24. You Crack Me Up! | Prayers and Promises
  25. Thoughts on Laughter | The Drowning Octopus
  26. the UNCATEGORISED: Daily prompt… | the TRASH BASH
  27. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | iChristian
  28. Freedom… | Haiku By Ku
  29. Small Wonder: Daily Prompt: From the Gut | so i wrote
  30. Laughter | Thriving Pessimist…
  31. A fit FIT.. | ayimas
  32. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  33. Uncontrolled Laughter! | amateurxpress
  34. Danny Kaye’s aria | Vivir, que no es poco
  35. Immunizations Anyone? | A Day in the Life
  36. From the Gut | bheehappy
  37. Breathless From Laughter « Getting Rid Of Boredom
  38. Silly Girls | meanderedwanderings
  39. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | Faraziyya
  40. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | Chicomallorca’s Blog
  41. Laughter as medicine | tornin2’s Blog
  42. That One Time I (almost) Met Bill Clinton | the theory of everything
  43. Oh! | clarior e tenebris
  44. Another taxi ha-ha moment | Nanuschka’s Blog
  45. From the Gut | Geek Ergo Sum
  46. ParentingFollow Topics Bad Parenting Children Day Job Good Parenting | maydoesit’s Blog
  47. Laughing out Loud with Deadpool | The Nameless One
  48. I Have the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in my Heart | God Through My Eyes
  49. Daily Prompt: The Sound of Laughter | One Starving Activist
  50. That’s Not Right! | SOPHIE dans le métro
  51. Left Is Scary and Other Hilarious Incidents | Resident Alien — Being Dutch in America
  52. From the Gut: Love & Lindisfarne | Khana’s Web
  53. Joyful Birthday Fireworks for the USA | Slam on the Brakes, Pull Over, Take the Picture
  54. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | His Name | Discovering Myself
  55. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | Quirky Brunette
  56. Old Married Couple | The Silver Lining of the Optimistic Pessimist
  57. Laughing, Really Laughing | Script Under Construction
  58. Welcome to the Abyss: AP Exams | A Day in the Life
  59. Reminiscing the Joy of Fiction | Expressions
  60. Child’s Play #poetry #children #photography | Moondustwriter’s Blog
  61. To the point of snorting | I Didn’t Just Wake Up This Morning with a Craving
  62. Daily Prompt: From the Gut | The Blogging Path
  63. Creeper Status | Code For Confession
  64. Laughing Belly Laughs | mother of nine9
  65. Nothing Like a Good Laugh | Life As I Know It
  66. Good times. | My Tiny Thoughts
  67. For those that celebrate it…Happy Fourth of July! | Elizabeth Los

Developing your own personal philosophy and life goals

Some people are born with their own personal direction built into them like a compass, others float in the wind and land where ever it happens to blow them, still others develop slowly over their lifetime till they are living their dreams.   Is it necessary to have a philosophy that is defined, heck no!  Do I have one?

Well, I have never really sat down to put into writing what exactly I believe in, how I want to live my life and what I want to accomplish.   I have taken the time to write goals,  I am a list writer, but this is more for myself to get it out rather than any sort of .  I have always known the direction I wanted to take and where I want to end up and sort of how I want to get there, however, I have often felt the need to let life just take me to where it needs me to be.

I don’t think a philosophy or life goals needs to be written down for everyone, but it is sometimes nice to see your goals or ideas on paper to be examined, redrafted, thought about, ticked off or rubbed out completely.

At this time in life I’ve decided the following:

  1. I want to be free to play with my kids and my husband and give them my whole mind without worrying about everything (not accomplished but getting there)
  2. I believe in a higher power, often God, sometimes fate, sometimes I wonder if there is anyone there at all.
  3. I like people and studying them, wondering about their motivations.
  4. I don’t actually like talking to people all the time, I know sort of contradictory to the last point.  But even though humans are supposed to be social and seek out companionship, I don’t think we need to do this continuously throughout our life or even on a daily basis.  Just my opinion🙂  But I don’t have a problem living away from people as long as I have super fast internet and a phone line, I’m happy!
  5. I like art, sewing reading.
  6. I love mystery and horrors, but don’t like to be scared too much.
  7. I like to feel safe
  8. I don’t want to worry about money all the time, I need it to be automated otherwise I obsess.  Hence the need to become financially independent of a job or business.
  9. I love being self sufficient and would love to get a nice piece of land with some running water i.e. stream of some sort, on it.  ( sort of Little House on the Prairie but not so hard)
  10. I like the kids to be diciplined and respectful and honest and to think about others.
  11. I don’t then want to turn around and be undiciplined, disrespectful, dishonest and selfish myself (have to work on a few of these!)  I want to set a good example for my children, this is hard, I will tell them something but then turn around and sometimes do the opposite, not good parenting.
  12. I want open communication with my husband, I want to feel like I can say something without him getting all in a tizz about it.
  13. I  want to help others, I suppose feeling good about it will come into this, not many people I see help others without feeling a sense of good doing.  But I also want to help unselfishly, to think of doing things without getting anything in return even recognition.
  14. I don’t really like travel, get travel sickness, but I do want to be able to go overseas and visit places we read about, the pyramids, Hadrian’s wall, the Great wall of China, travel the outback (ok this is not overseas but it is alot of travelling!), I want to go to New York and Disneyland (mainly for the kids🙂 I want to see Canada and ride around on a horse, I want to go to the Mississippi and cross it or to Peru or the Himalayas.

So not much on a philosophy as such but is a good list of my goals without going into too many boring details. Will it change of course, probably as soon as I publish this post, life changes all the time, I just have to be ready to jump on and take the ride without worrying about things too much.

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